The Grief No One Talks About After Coming Out

𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐆𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐅 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀 𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

Not the kind of grief that comes with death, but the kind that creeps in when people you love slowly drift away.

That sadness that 𝒅𝒊𝒈𝒔 𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒚 into your heart when you think about those you lost just because you chose a different path in life.

In my case, the grief came as a result of my queer relationship. 

I have lost so much because I came out as publicly queer.

People who had stood beside me throughout my mental health struggles were simply unable to accept me unconditionally anymore, and over time we distanced ourselves from one another.

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑑, I know they did, but they just couldn’t wrap their heads around the concept of me dating someone who shares the same biological gender. 

When your school and community teach you that being queer is wrong or shameful, it’s hard to unlearn those messages.

I remember the whispers, the jokes, the warnings—and how I repeated them too, without really understanding what I was saying.

Acceptance—both internal and external—is hard work.

Before I started dating my amazing partner, I had to come to terms with who I am, and who I am attracted to. 

I had to untangle the lies. I had to deconstruct the beliefs that were so deeply ingrained in me. I had to admit that I could never thrive in a straight relationship, no matter how hard I tried. 

𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒅𝒎𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔, 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒔𝒕. 

But no one told me how much I would lose.

Some people will never look at me the same again. Some will never accept me—not fully—unless I silence this part of me. Unless I pretend. Shrink. Hide.

But I won’t.

Never again will I be fully accepted by many.

And why?

Because of the distorted belief that being gay is disgusting.

But I am OUT, and I am LOUD.

And I face whatever comes my way.

I am me. I am authentic.

And at the end of the day, my heart may feel heavy, and the tears , they will pour, but that’s the price of love.

And I’ll pay it again and again.

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Until next time, Jood